#336 of 365 Ways to live Easier, Happier, & More Productive

Sharing a daily life lesson, tip, or hack; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.


Speak kindly to yourself

It’s still a bit amazing to me when I become aware of how difficult it is for some people to engage in kind ‘self-talk’. From little put downs such as “I know this is dumb but…” to looking in a mirror and thinking “you stupid idiot” in a loud critical internal voice, some of us engage in self talk that is demeaning, shaming, and downright hateful.

People who struggle to feel ‘worth it’ are the most frequent offenders and may simply be repeating condemning assertions that were absorbed over time from critical or abusive parents, bosses, or partners. Rarely, do I find that the statements represent truths, yet many of them do underline belief systems.

Entire industry segments of publishing and psychological research have built up around this problem from books such as Shad Helmstetter’s What to Say When You Talk to Yourself to Dr. Kristin Neff’s Self Compassion lab at the University of Texas at Austin. Both of which, are resources I use with clients who experience antagonistic inner critic aggression.

Self-awareness and self-compassion are essential components of splitting up with that judicial speaker. Each time you hear the criticism begin to drown out your more rational loving voice… put your hand over your heart and imagine that you are speaking to someone you love. Begin a supportive and compassionate conversation that is empathetic and loving – the way you talk to a friend who is having difficulty. Be intentional with this practice and you will foster the ability to more consistently…

Speak kindly to yourself.

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

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