#204 Stop Internalizing

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.


Stop Internalizing

When was the last time you thought “what did I do”? Perhaps someone close to you snapped a sassy response and your thoughts went immediately to “why are they mad at me?”  Maybe you didn’t get a dinner invitation to a neighbors get-together and your internal voice is wondering why they don’t like you. Or, You see a friend across the parking lot but they keep walking without waving hello.


These are the kinds of scenarios that promote ‘internalizing’ – making the assumption that another person’s behavior has something to do with YOU. My mother often said “what makes you think you’re so important that everything is about you?” It’s a common misperception and one that is dysfunctional to the extent that it interferes with our ability to see things clearly. All too often, the behavior of another has absolutely nothing to do with us!

Check assumptions

Learn to validate your thoughts and feelings. Look for concrete evidence – preferably direct from the source – that confirms your suspicions. If you get the sense that someone is mad at you… ask them. If you imagine that you’ve being shunned from a party because someone is upset with you… ask them “have I offended you?”

Your responsibility

Our responsibility is to work with the information we have but only the information that is accurate. In order to determine accuracy, we have to validate. We can only ‘know for sure’ what we see and hear since we are not mind readers. Even when we ‘think’ we know what someone is thinking – if you find yourself internalizing – validate!! There’s a pretty good chance that you are NOT the center of another’s discontent. Once you realize this you can …

Stop Internalizing.

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