#12 Argue Effectively

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#12

Argue Effectively

In January, I dedicated a post to ‘Stop Arguing’ but in a relationship, the idea that you may never argue is too idealistic. When you live with someone, you’re bound to run into conflict and the solution isn’t to avoid the confrontation, but to approach it effectively.

The following eight suggestions – when followed – will allow disagreements to be addressed with respect and maturity.

  1. Use “I” statements only. Explain your position, your role in the conflict, and your expectations. Identify your triggers, explain your needs, and describe how you will work to bridge the gap in the conflict. Concentrate on your perspective here and work hard not to engage in finger pointing or blaming.
  2. Step back from your ego. In supportive partnerships, it is important to embrace our differences with respect and develop acceptance for the ways that our partners are different. There are mostly differences between us – not always rights and wrongs. If you feel you need to fight for being ‘right’ about something, ask yourself “why?” If it is only ego based, drop it.
  3. Be present.  Don’t focus on the past (unless you are reflecting for the lesson it is teaching you) – or worry about the future.  Try and stay right there in the present moment and what is happening there. Don’t allow your baggage to overwhelm the issue at hand.
  4. Pay attention to the issue. Try to understand why it is important to or distracting you. Is is a failed expectation? Something you didn’t know? Are you defensive? Why? Exactly what are you feeling and why?
  5. Don’t interrupt your partner. You can’t be a good listener if you aren’t allowing their complete thought to be articulated or expressed.
  6. Make sure you understand what you are hearing. If necessary, restate what you hear – paraphrase it – based on your understanding so that you get on the same page.
  7. Remember that most of us have good intentions. Try not to jump right to the conclusion that your partner is being an ass. Consider that they are experiencing frustration and give them space to talk about how they feel.
  8. Do not raise your voice or walk out. If you need a break from the conflict – honor that it remains unsolved and ask for a time out. Don’t threaten. People who feel attacked or threatened will get defensive almost immediately. Once that happens, the discussion is doomed.

Communicating with respect is probably the most critical aspect of a healthy relationship. Remembering that we each come into a relationship with different experiences, worldviews, expectations, and methods will go a long way. Resolving conflict is more easily accomplished when you know how to …

Argue effectively.

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#157 Wear A Blindfold

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#157

Wear a blindfold

Ok… don’t get too excited just yet. This suggestion is geared toward highlighting all senses when sight is not available and not just during sex. If you have a ‘sleep mask’ – go ahead a grab it, otherwise, close your eyes and follow the honor system. Take a few minutes each day this week to experience the conditions outlined below – without sight – to notice elements of everyday life that you’ve never experienced before.

Suggestions:

  • Stand in the kitchen when someone is cooking – notice how you smell more or differently when you can’t see that is cooking.
  • Sit outside on your deck or porch – notice the sounds that you may not have heard before. What birds are singing? Do you hear traffic? Or people? What do you smell?
  • Shower with your blindfold on or your eyes closed. Notice how rotely you perform each maneuver and don’t really need sight to move through the task.
  • Try eating without sight. Do you notice a difference in how quickly you devour your food? Are you more in tune with the smell or texture?
  • Make love while wearing a blindfold. Do you notice a difference in the level of pleasure that you experience?

Brain Power

Eliminating your ability to see, heightens your other senses. Your brain automatically redirects its reliance to sound, smell, and touch in order to identify the experience. This one of the reasons that using a blindfold during sex intensifies the experience for women. Men, who are more dependent on sight for stimulation, may not enjoy the same benefit.

Caution

Wearing a blindfold for a prolonged period can induce hallucinations. Research is demonstrating that when a sighted person is denied the ability to see – the brain will create visions. We seem to develop an ability to ‘see’ through our ‘third’ eye. Indeed, there is a retreat that promotes this process for those who want to ‘destress’ by using blindfolds to open a path to your subconscious. I would encourage anyone moving in this direction to move with caution and with someone psychologically trained. Going that deep – if there are old wounds – can be more harmful than helpful.

In any event – for a SHORT duration – you can intensify your other senses and develop a stronger sense of being present by taking a few minutes each day to….

Wear a blindfold.

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below

Photo by Kirill Balobanov on Unsplash

#271 of 365 Ways to live Easier, Happier, & More Productive

Sharing a daily life lesson, tip, or hack; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#271

Get up for the sunrise

Some of you may do this daily as you prepare to begin your work day and yet there are millions of you who don’t frequently make time to experience this daily wonder, but do you really ‘see’ it??  Depending on the day of course, the sunrise is either visible, or not. It is either majestic, or not. But, it is always dependable and THAT is part of it’s wonder.

The sun comes up regardless of politics, pains, joys, seasons, etc. and while it may seem like a rather primitive or conspicuous concept, it has value because of its constancy. Like ‘Annie’ always sings… “the sun will come up tomorrow”. It’s good to know that no matter how much change happens in our lives, the sun will still come up like it did yesterday and will again tomorrow; whether you actually ‘see’ it or not.

So, getting up and watching the sun rise may impact your thoughts; reinforcing that there are constants in the world. Standing with your face against the Eastern breeze as the sky turns orange and/or pink offers a perfect opportunity to experience a very specific type of mindfulness. Depending on where you live, it takes somewhere between 2 minutes (at the equator) and 5-6 minutes in northern latitudes for the sun’s disk to rise above the horizon. That offers a short – but impactful – opportunity to practice mindful gratitude with a very specific visual.

Yes, gratitude because the sunrise represents yet another opportunity for you to begin anew. It acts as a reminder that some things just are – no matter what – a reminder that is beneficial to us periodically. It represents a certain amount of energy available from the Universe and if you are there – watching it… go ahead and grab it.

It’s just a few minutes of your time and although it’s early in the morning, I can’t think of any other way to jump start each morning. Grab your coffee or tea, step outside, and embrace the magic of the moment since you made the decision to…

Get up with the sunrise.

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash