#98 Disengage a Toxic Relationship

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#98

Disengage a toxic relationship

Yesterday’s post recommended distancing yourself from negativity and sometimes, that can mean disengaging from a relationship – any relationship – that becomes detrimental to your overall health. Negativity is not the only way in which a relationship can be toxic however.

Toxic refers to any behavior that results in harm – either physical or emotional. We may think it goes without saying that physically abusive behavior is toxic and cannot be tolerated yet there are thousands of people in relationships – still – which, can be identified as physically abusive.  And so, I’ll say it too… if your relationship is – IN ANY WAY PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE – disengage, get out, leave… NOW. Your very life may be in jeopardy.

Emotional Abuse

Perhaps worse, because there are no apparent bruises, is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse also comes in a variety of forms and MUST NOT be tolerated. No one deserves to be the target of emotional abuse. Any form of communication (speech, text messages, email, letters) that is controlling, punishing, manipulative, degrading, or derogatory – is abuse. When people use the silent treatment to coerce, withhold love and support for specific outcomes, and use money to bribe or entice – that is abuse.

Subliminal Abuse

Other people use less apparent tactics to ‘abuse’. Gaslighting is one of the most common – providing false information so frequently and with so much conviction that you begin to doubt the truth; to distrust your own knowledge or instincts.

Isolating and ignoring someone can also be considered abusive – especially if it is a parent/child relationship. It doesn’t ‘look’ inappropriate yet when someone is dependent on our attention and care – to withhold it intentionally is and abuse of power.

Relationships

Relationships are toxic when we no longer can trust, feel safe with, or feel appreciative of – the person with whom we are relating. It can be a romantic relationship, a friendship, a sibling or other family member, a parent… When we continually feel powerless, humiliated, defensive, criticized, belittled, unloved, unappreciated, etc., and our efforts at communicating and resolving those feelings go cold – it is time to GET OUT.

Recognize Normal

Healthy relationships are reciprocal. They are not self-focused. They employ communication – even imperfect – to resolve differences. They are mostly light and easy (every relationship has some level of challenge). They are supportive and compassionate. There is a mutual respect and encouragement.

Disengaging

Disengaging means creating distance. The amount of distance may be determined by circumstances and/or the relationship. At the very least – learning how to set boundaries and demonstrate self-respect is imperative. No one – absolutely no one – deserves or causes abusive behavior. The ‘abuser’ has many, many options when it comes to choosing behavior – many of which are healthy. If they fail to make a healthy choice when they relate to you – make sure you demonstrate self-respect and make the healthy choice to…

Disengage from a toxic relationship.

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

#195 Hug People

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#195

Hug people

Why do hugs feel so good? Have you ever wondered? Of course, as in many other things… hugging causes the body to emit oxytocin – the feel good chemical. In addition to producing feelings of calm and relaxation… it lowers blood pressure and and stress on your heart. Hugging is good for your stress level and your physical health.

Take a look at this video of a girl who handed out hugs to people in line for communion. Not only is she adorable but you can almost see the oxytocin production in the faces of people who approach her.

Security

Hugs help us feel safe. In addition to oxytocin, levels of serotonin and dopamine also increase when we are firmly hugged. Both of these body chemicals promote a sense of well-being; of belonging. When we experience a sense of safety and belonging, our entire world feels better. Our perspectives are balanced.

Balance

Hugs educate us about giving and receiving. They promote equilibrium in our day to day life. When we hug people there is an energy exchange. Some people believe that the interaction seeks to equalize the vibrations in the union… taking from one and giving to another. After a firm hug we may automatically feel more harmonious and peaceful.

Share

When you have a little extra energy, why not share a little? The hug you give someone may be just what they need to push through the rest of their day. If you notice a person with low energy and you feel comfortable – offer a hug. You’ll likely make a difference in that individuals day and all because you made a decision to …

Hug people.

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below