Savoring This Moment

The way to develop the habit of savoring is to pause when something is beautiful and good and catches our attention – the sound of rain, the look of the night sky – the glow in a child’s eyes, or when we witness some kindness. Pause… then totally immerse in the experience of savoring it. ~ Tara Brach

This morning, I am taking a little bit of time to contemplate how in the heck it is December 20th… In fact, I’m thinking a bit of how in the heck is it almost 2020?? Where really… does time go?

The fact that I feel as if I actually have time this morning may be part of the problem. I’ve created a life that is so busy, there are fewer moments that I make time to savor and so they seem to pass outside of my awareness. It is a fact in complete violation of my desire to be present but in many ways, it is simply what’s real for most of us.

Why not take a moment with me now… deep inhale… slow exhale… repeat. Notice the comfort of your seat and be aware of your body in the room.  Doesn’t taking that moment feel good?

I realize I haven’t written much since I finished the book but I didn’t want the year to end without taking a minute to check in here. I am so very appreciative of the support that I’ve garnered by the readers of this blog, the listeners of the Podcast, and the purchasers of my book. I hope that the information / advice that has been offered has helped in some way. My goal is always a mutually encouraging and supportive exchange.

After  a few errands this morning and an afternoon with clients, I am prepared to enjoy  – to completely savor – the remainder of 2019 surrounded by people I love. I hope you are as well.  My wish is that each of you savor the spirit of what’s been good and manifest joy as we move into another new decade.

Happy Holiday’s and a very Happy New Year!!

~ Leslyn

Off the Bucket List

As of today, I can officially cross off a line item on my bucket list. I have published a book!  BE HAPPIER, HEALTHIER, AND MORE PRODUCTIVE; 365 INSPIRING IDEAS is available in print on Amazon!!

It’s a solid compilation of my blog here – the series I wrote from February through this past February. As I moved through that project, I was often asked if I would turn it into a book and was finally convinced when a few people specifically spoke about how they wanted to give it as a gift in book form. Well… here it is!

Be Happier Cover Final 3D

There are a couple of new ideas that weren’t part of the original blog as I found a couple of duplicates and I deleted one or two that were too similar to others. Overall, it’s a paperback book (416 pages) that offers suggestions geared to promote a better sense of overall well-being.

It’s the kind of book that you can use as a reference, send as a gift, keep on your nightstand, or work your way through (if you haven’t already). It’s the kind of book you’ll a couple of pages of and then try and figure out a time or place to try one of the suggestions. It’s the kind of book that may make you roll your eyes, laugh out loud, and learn from – all in one.

Aside from a shameless plug… I hope you’ll consider this post inspiration for accomplishing those things on your own bucket list. I read somewhere once that if 10 people have an idea – three will act on it – but only ONE will follow through.  While I have a long, long list of things that I only acted on… the printing of my book is a major follow through piece for me. I hope it inspires you to follow through on something near and dear to your heart!!

If you’ve been a supporter – thanks so much! You’re part of why this happened! <3

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TTAHYou can also listen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, orFeedburner

LOVE does not Hurt!

LOVE doesn’t hurt you. A person who doesn’t know how to love or who is in pain may hurt you. Be a person who loves anyway.

I love this quote (author unknown) about love and pain because it is so true. Love does not hurt. Period.

love hurts

Loving energy only produces loving feelings. Just like 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 states:  

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Anything else… does not originate from loving energy. It comes from pain and fear. It comes from not knowing love. Someone who has rarely experienced kindness may not know how to be kind. Likewise, if they don’t have a history of being supported – how do they know that supporting others is an expression of love?

When we don’t experience consistent and pure loving energy as we grow, we are likely not to extend it as adults. This is evident over and over again in people who claim to love yet they engage in behavior that is very unloving. Think about it…

A parent says “I love you” and then they are demanding and critical. A child makes a connection between the two.

A parent says “I love you” and then doesn’t listen or isn’t attentive. A child believes they are related.

In this way, a child grows up to understand that love is demanding, critical, and inattentive. They don’t think twice about engaging in that behavior and expressing love at the same time. For that adult, true loving energy was scarce and consequently, remains unlearned. They will continue the pattern with the next generation unless they are able to experience true love.

True love is peaceful. It is joyful. And it is always a better choice. We are born in a natural state of knowing love and then learn otherwise. Getting back there may take a bit of work as we unplug all of the correlations that were made as we learned. One by one, it’s important to disconnect the idea that love is something other than patience, compassion, understanding, and kindness and practice how to extend loving energy under all conditions.

If it’s ‘true’ love – it will always feel good.

TTAHYou can listen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or Feedburner

 

Image by Pexels on Pixabay

#2 Stop Overthinking

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#2

Stop Overthinking

Do you think a thought and then ‘run with it’? Do you thoughts ever take on a life of their own? Do you find yourself getting anxious or worried?  Do you have a hard time focusing or sleeping? Do thoughts get stuck in your mind and go round and round? These are all symptoms of overthinking.

Consequences

Overthinking is generally not good for your overall health. It can cause anxiety, depression, and persistent worry. It promotes obsessive and/or compulsive behaviors. It can strain relationships, work performance, and self-worth. To cope with overthinking, many people try to escape the distress by abusing food, alcohol, or drugs.

Notice

The first step to stopping the pattern of overthinking is to notice when you do it. Take another look at the list in the first paragraph and honestly assess your own processes. When does it happen? About what topic(s)? What is your response? How do you (if you do) get them under control? How do they prevent you from living your best life?

Facts

Are your thoughts based on facts? Or Fears? Are they happening now? Or at some point in the future? Stay focused on the facts that exist in the here and now. When you are facing facts, it’s easier to problem solve. There aren’t any real solutions to fantastical problems.

Distraction

Get busy! There’s only so much space in your brain for active thinking. When your thoughts go into busy mode, overrule them with direct action on something else; pulling energy away from the overrunning thinking. The more involved you are in the distraction, the better.

Meditation

When we are overthinking, it’s not really the thoughts that are problematic, but our feelings and associations we have with the thoughts that are the problem. If we can learn to become observers of the thoughts, their impact is reduced. Meditation is one of the best ways to achieve this. Using this technique may allow you to detach from the thoughts so that they become nothing more than something that moves through your brain.

We all do it from time to time but if your life is negatively impacted by too many thoughts too much of the time, follow these steps in an effort to …

Stop overthinking.

TTAHListen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or Feedburner

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

#4  Know Your Ancestry

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#4

Know Your Ancestry

It used to be that people were excited to get their ‘palm’ read – now it’s trendy to have your DNA read. Just by spitting in a little tube, you can identify where your ancestral roots originated. Why bother?

History

Whether it’s a family tree or DNA, your family history is important. It’s the anchor of your ship… the chemical composition of your existence. It offers information about your great-great-uncle Joe or connect the dots between your English and Irish heritage centuries back.

Genealogy

The most elementary part of knowing your ancestry is to record your direct lineage. Your father, his father, his father and so on… Do the same with your mother and hers… Connect those lines as far back as you can. When you run into a stumbling block, try the DNA  route to run the lines as far as they can go.

DNA

Whether you choose 23&Me or another service, researching your cellular structure offers even more information. Instead of learning that your great, great, great, great, Aunt Florence was the first woman to captain a ship out of Naples, you might discover that your Italian heritage is closer to the French than it is to the Baltic even though she was he hero of that port.

DNA even allows you the genetic history of disease influence. No matter if your ancestry stems from Jewish, African, European, or Middle Eastern – the results can indicate propensity for issues carried by others in that gene group.

Story

At the very least, knowing your ancestry is a tool to help you construct your ‘story’ – the story of you and of how you came to be. It’s a more advanced version – a 3D illustration – of you. Knowing a little about the people that came before you gives depth to who you are.

Can you imagine all those souls that were in front of you? Do you know their story? Their contribution to your being? It’s possible that you’ll be forever changed if you only take the time to …

Know your ancestry.

TTAH

Listen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or Feedburner

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

#6 Stop Being Defensive

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#6

Stop Being Defensive

In this series, I’ve talked about Identifying Your Triggers, Arguing Effectively, and Emotional Intelligence. They all speak to mastering awareness in your communication. Perhaps the most important and impactful element of this is the ability to stop getting defensive.

Defenses

We experience a sense of needing to ‘protect’ ourselves whenever we become afraid and perceive that we are at risk for losing something. Whenever we imagine that we are in danger of having less of or never having something… we also may feel afraid and we tend to want to fight. When we feel attacked, we want to fight back. Emotionally speaking, we aren’t taught effective strategies very often and unless the other person we are speaking with is also equipped with similar strategies, the communication is sure to break down quickly. The conversation can resemble a war zone.

Notice Defensiveness

First, you must make the effort to understand when you become defensive and how it feels in your body. Does your blood pressure rise? Your shoulders? Is there a tightness in your jaw? Does your heart race? Notice that they are the same symptoms of fear. It’s your parasympathetic nervous system getting ready for a fight.

Step Back

When you feel your body tightening, that’s the moment you know it’s imperative that you step back. Take a deep breath. Count to five. Get Grounded. Remember who you are – who you want to be. Think about something you love or really like about the person in front of you. If it’s a stranger or an estranged individual, remember that by engaging you are giving them YOUR power. Stop.

Back Down

Backing down from a confrontation demonstrates emotional mastery – not weakness. Think about how much intention it takes to get to this point after your fear or fight is activated. It takes great strength to step back and gain composure. Adopt the attitude that you will not engage in a confrontation infused with negative energy.

Once you take the defensive energy out of an interaction, you’ll be amazed at how it dies down – it’s akin to a fire without oxygen. Your confrontations turn into constructive discussions and problem solving when you get to the point where you can…

Stop being defensive.

TTAHListen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or Feedburner

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

#8 Make Decisions

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#8

Make Decisions

How decisive are you? Is it easy for you to set a course? To make decisions? To act? If you are not naturally decisive or you struggle to be so, the following suggestions may be helpful.

Information

Information is power. It is the cornerstone to making decisions because we can only act on what we know. The more you know, the more confident you will be in choosing. Do a little research – or a lot – depending on the intensity of the decision.

Pros and Cons

With every decision there are pros and cons, even small ones. Nothing is absolutely perfect. Sometimes, they are almost evenly balanced and its important to see your options clearly so outline them as gradually as possible.

Visualize

Take time to imagine each of the options; or at least the top three. Try to visualize how each of the decisions may play out in your life. Notice which option feels more intrinsic.

Remember

Remember that you’ve made decisions before and even if there are some bad ones in your past, there are more than likely many good ones as well. It’s important to recall that you have the ability to and the history of making good decisions.

Listen to Your Heart

If you can learn to be still and connect to your innermost self, any decision you have to make will be easier. We all have an intrinsic ‘knowing’ – some people call it an intuition or gut feeling. For most of us, it takes practice to connect to it; to feel it. Authentic decisions come from that place.

Practice

If you are are attempting to build your decision making skills, start small. Make decisions about dinner or what restaurant to go to. Build up to more permanent decisions like paint color or furniture purchases. Be prepared to make mistakes. Take small risks and reassess as need be.

Acceptance

Remember that once in awhile, you are likely to make a poor decision or one that you become dissatisfied with. It’s likely to be ok in the grand scheme of things. Forgive yourself and try again.

Learn not to be afraid and build your confidence about …

Making decisions.

TTAHListen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or Feedburner

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

#10 Know ‘Your’ Colors

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#10

Know ‘Your’ Colors

In the early 80’s, there was a product line distributed at first via the home party platform, called “Color Me Beautiful” based on the book of the same name by Carole Jackson. The principle of Color Me Beautiful is that each individual can wear any of the colors but the richness and undertone (warm or cool) is better on one skin color over another. The idea was that you could have your skin tone assessed and that would direct the color of your makeup, lipstick, and wardrobe colors; because when you wear the ‘right’ colors – it highlights your natural beauty.

Take the Quiz

I haven’t heard of anyone hosting those parties in recent years but many women know what ‘season’ of color best suits them and the information is easily found on the internet by answering a few questions about your skin tone, eye, and natural hair color.

Season Schema

Once you know your ‘scheme’, it’s suggested that you prioritize those colors in your wardrobe and base your makeup selections accordingly. For example, if you are an Autumn – you would want to keep things in the green/rust/brown arena. Springs would choose red, lavender, and teal. Summers lean toward blues, yellows, and pinks. Finally, Winters might choose purple, burgundy, and emerald green.

Additionally, the colors are broken into the categories of warm or cool; winter and summer are cool while spring and fall are warm. As stated earlier, it’s the richness and tone of the color that either does or does not work with your individual coloring.

Why It Matters

There’s plenty of research telling us that when we feel attractive we stand taller, smile more, and engage more fully in our communication. What could be easier than working with the base pallet we were born with? Most of us probably have an experience of wearing a particular color and notice that when we do, the number of compliments about our appearance is elevated. Maybe people don’t say “I like that color on you” but the comment about how pretty you look or how nice you look. They may notice that you look happy or simply “good”. It may be helpful to see if there is a correlation to the increased comments based on a color you wear.

Color Palette

The color palettes are readily available online and once you’ve taken the quiz to determine your ‘season’ – buy the palette and carry it in your pocketbook or keep it in the car so that when you are out shopping, you are matching your purchases to the colors determined to be a best match to your skin tone. It’s as easy as that to look your best once you…

Know your colors!

TTAHListen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or Feedburner

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.

#12 Argue Effectively

Sharing 365 life lessons, tips, or hacks; the things that make life easier, happier, and more productive. I hope you’ll follow along and find them helpful too.

#12

Argue Effectively

In January, I dedicated a post to ‘Stop Arguing’ but in a relationship, the idea that you may never argue is too idealistic. When you live with someone, you’re bound to run into conflict and the solution isn’t to avoid the confrontation, but to approach it effectively.

The following eight suggestions – when followed – will allow disagreements to be addressed with respect and maturity.

  1. Use “I” statements only. Explain your position, your role in the conflict, and your expectations. Identify your triggers, explain your needs, and describe how you will work to bridge the gap in the conflict. Concentrate on your perspective here and work hard not to engage in finger pointing or blaming.
  2. Step back from your ego. In supportive partnerships, it is important to embrace our differences with respect and develop acceptance for the ways that our partners are different. There are mostly differences between us – not always rights and wrongs. If you feel you need to fight for being ‘right’ about something, ask yourself “why?” If it is only ego based, drop it.
  3. Be present.  Don’t focus on the past (unless you are reflecting for the lesson it is teaching you) – or worry about the future.  Try and stay right there in the present moment and what is happening there. Don’t allow your baggage to overwhelm the issue at hand.
  4. Pay attention to the issue. Try to understand why it is important to or distracting you. Is is a failed expectation? Something you didn’t know? Are you defensive? Why? Exactly what are you feeling and why?
  5. Don’t interrupt your partner. You can’t be a good listener if you aren’t allowing their complete thought to be articulated or expressed.
  6. Make sure you understand what you are hearing. If necessary, restate what you hear – paraphrase it – based on your understanding so that you get on the same page.
  7. Remember that most of us have good intentions. Try not to jump right to the conclusion that your partner is being an ass. Consider that they are experiencing frustration and give them space to talk about how they feel.
  8. Do not raise your voice or walk out. If you need a break from the conflict – honor that it remains unsolved and ask for a time out. Don’t threaten. People who feel attacked or threatened will get defensive almost immediately. Once that happens, the discussion is doomed.

Communicating with respect is probably the most critical aspect of a healthy relationship. Remembering that we each come into a relationship with different experiences, worldviews, expectations, and methods will go a long way. Resolving conflict is more easily accomplished when you know how to …

Argue effectively.

TTAHListen to me on Try This at Home – a series of conversations about making life better.

You can subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or Feedburner

 

I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. Please share in the comments below.